When Parents and Teens Disagree About Mental Health Care: A Q&A with a Family Therapist
Navigating Teen Mental Health Treatment as a Family
A conversation with Kim Havlik, LCPC, Principal Family Therapist, Compass Health Center – Northbrook
Interview by Britt Teasdale, Associate Director of Brand & Content, Compass Health Center
Many families don’t struggle to recognize that something is off. The harder part is what happens next. A parent might feel ready to get support. Their child says they’re fine, refuses to talk about how they’re feeling, or resists starting treatment. Or the child agrees to care but doesn’t fully engage.
That gap, between concern and buy-in, is where many families can get stuck. It can feel confusing, especially when things already feel urgent.
I spoke with Kim Havlik, LCPC, principal family therapist at Compass Health Center in Northbrook, about what’s happening between parents and their kids in these moments. We talked about why this kind of disagreement is so common and how families can move through it without losing connection along the way.
In the conversation below, Kim draws on nearly a decade as a family therapist to share practical guidance for families navigating teen mental health treatment, especially the hard moments when a teen won’t go to therapy or pushes back on a recommended level of care. She walks through what family therapy for teens can look like in a higher level of care, why these disagreements are so common, and how parents can keep the relationship strong while still supporting their child.
Q&A
To start, can you share a bit about your role and what brought you to Compass?
Kim Havlik: I’ve been at Compass for almost seven and a half years, almost eight years this summer. Since starting here, I’ve been doing family therapy. I started in our young child program and then moved into our child program in family therapy.
I’ve had some other roles along the way, like being a primary therapist and an associate director in child, but the whole time I’ve continued taking family cases. Even before Compass, I was at another PHP and IOP program where I did family therapy and primary therapy as well.
So I’ve been doing this for a while and have spent a lot of time working with families who are trying to figure out what the appropriate care is for their child or who might disagree on what that care should look like.
What is it about working with families at this level of care that keeps you in it?
Kim Havlik: It’s really rewarding. It’s obviously hard work at times. We’re seeing families at some of their lowest points and in a place of crisis. But I love being able to sit with families in that and help them, in a solution-focused way, figure out how to get through it together.
Usually, we can make really great progress in what feels like a few short weeks.
I also really value the team atmosphere at Compass. It’s not just one person they’re working with. There’s a whole team supporting them, and I think that feels really comforting to families. It’s helpful for us too, being able to collaborate across roles and support different pieces of what’s going on.
How Common Is It When a Teen Won’t Go to Therapy?
Kim Havlik: I would say pretty common. We see it very frequently, especially when it comes to starting program.
Sometimes families reach out ahead of time because they already know their child might struggle with motivation or might refuse. Sometimes it’s identified during intake. And sometimes kids get in the door, but by day one or two, they’re really struggling to get here.
So it’s very common that teams are working closely with families to support this. It’s something we’re navigating pretty much every day in some capacity as a program.
What tends to be underneath that disagreement?
Kim Havlik: I think there are a few things.
One is autonomy. As kids get older, they want more control and more say in their decisions. That makes sense developmentally. So when they’re being told they have to attend a program, especially if it means missing school, we can see that resistance increase.
That said, there’s usually something underneath that. It’s not just that they don’t want to do it. There’s often a reason behind the resistance.
For example, if a child is already struggling to get to school, it makes sense that getting to treatment would feel just as hard. So we work with families to create a more specific plan for that child. Sometimes that means starting with a half day. Sometimes it’s just coming in to meet the treatment team and then going home. Then we build from there.
We’re constantly trying to meet the child where they’re at and figure out what will feel manageable while still moving toward getting them support.
Another common factor is misconceptions about treatment. Kids hear “partial hospitalization” and assume something very different from what it actually is. So we spend time showing them the space, the schedule, and what a day actually looks like.
And one of the biggest things we see is worry about missing out. Missing school, missing sports, missing time with friends. Or worrying about what peers will think if they find out they’re in treatment. That’s their world, so those concerns are very real.
How do you help families work through those concerns?
Kim Havlik: We have those conversations directly. That’s where family sessions are really helpful, getting everyone in the same room.
One of the biggest things we tell parents is to shift from frustration to curiosity. Instead of asking, “Why won’t you do this?” ask, “What’s behind this?”
Then validate it. It makes sense that you don’t want to miss school. It makes sense that you’re worried about your peers finding out.
From there, we problem-solve together. Maybe that means adjusting the schedule so they can still participate in certain activities. Maybe it’s explaining how school support works so they don’t feel like they’re falling behind.
A lot of what we’re doing is helping families understand what’s already in place and how we can be flexible while still getting the child the care they need.
What Does Family Therapy for Teens Look Like at This Level of Care?
Kim Havlik: It can look different than outpatient family therapy.
We’re very focused on the treatment plan and helping kids get back to their level of functioning. A lot of what we’re doing is helping families take what kids are learning in the program and apply those things outside of the program.
So it’s not just learning skills in a vacuum. It’s about using those skills in real life.
In child programs, parents play a critical role. We do a lot of parent coaching. We talk through how to respond in different situations, whether that’s defiance, anxiety, or escalation.
We also encourage parents to model the same skills at home. So it’s not just the child doing the work. The environment is part of the change, too.
What happens when a child is in treatment but not really engaging?
Kim Havlik: It depends. Sometimes pushing forward does work. Kids get here, they realize it’s not so bad, and the resistance drops off. And sometimes it doesn’t.
If we push and push, we might get kids in the door, but they’re not really in agreement. They go through the motions, and that’s not as effective.
We really need some level of motivation or buy-in for therapy to be effective. That doesn’t have to be there on day one, but there needs to be some openness or willingness.
Otherwise, we might see kids disengage, be disruptive, or not take treatment seriously. And that can impact their progress and others as well.
So a lot of the work is understanding where that resistance is coming from and helping build that buy-in over time.
Are there ways families can help build that buy-in at home?
Kim Havlik: One thing that can help is making things more tangible.
Instead of talking in broad terms like “we’re concerned about your mood,” it can be more helpful to point to observable things. Like, you’ve been more isolated, you’re not wanting to see your friends, you’re not going to activities you used to enjoy.
Breaking it down into what we’re actually seeing can help kids understand the concern more clearly.
You’ve mentioned validation a few times. Why does that matter so much?
Kim Havlik: Kids are already picking up on the fact that things feel harder for them.
If someone responds with “just do it,” that can lead to more self-doubt. Like, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do this?
Validation helps them understand that this is actually hard. That there’s a reason for it. And that they’re not the problem.
It also helps them feel less alone and more open to getting support.
What are some small ways parents can strengthen their relationship with their child during this time?
Kim Havlik: Finding time to connect without distractions. That could be in the car, at dinner, or even while doing something together.
Instead of just asking “how was your day?” it can help to ask more specific questions, like what was a good part of your day, and what was hard.
It also helps parents to share a bit about their own day.
And then being mindful of how you respond. Sometimes kids don’t want problem-solving. They just want someone to listen. So asking what they need in that moment can go a long way.
Are there small things parents can do to reduce resistance day to day?
Kim Havlik: Giving kids a sense of control where you can.
If they feel like they have no control, they’ll look for ways to get it. So offering simple choices can help.
That might be something like, do you want to brush your teeth first or get changed first? Or do homework first, or go outside first?
Even small choices can help them feel more in control.
What would you want families to hear if they’re in the middle of this right now?
Kim Havlik: It’s a hard season, but those seasons don’t last forever. Keep working through it. Keep holding hope for your child, even if they’re feeling pretty hopeless. Continue to be a source of support, connection, and validation.
And don’t be afraid to reach out for help or ask questions. Even if you’re unsure, you can talk to programs, ask how they would support your child, and get a better understanding of what it could look like.
There are people who want to help you figure this out.
About the Contributors
Kim Havlik, LCPC is a principal family therapist at Compass Health Center in Northbrook, where she has worked with children, teens, and their families for nearly eight years. Across roles as a family therapist, primary therapist, and associate director, she has continued to focus on family cases — supporting parents through some of their hardest seasons with a solution-focused, validating, and practical approach. Prior to joining Compass, Kim provided individual and family therapy in other PHP/IOP settings and in private practice. She earned her MS in Counseling at Mount Mary College in Milwaukee, WI, and her bachelor’s degree in Health Promotion/Wellness from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point.
Britt Teasdale is the Associate Director of Brand & Content at Compass Health Center and co-host of You Only Know What You Know, Compass’s mental health podcast for parents and caregivers. With a background in journalism and creative nonfiction, Britt specializes in translating complex clinical insights into accessible, human-centered storytelling for families, clinicians, and communities.
